Ephemerality

I might be over-reacting (I’m a little crabby — Doug is hogging the shit out of the center armrest) but every time I read a women’s magazine or turn on the TV, I get stuff along the lines of “Ladies, do something sinfully, wickedly indulgent. Eat a little piece of chocolate. Take a bath. Marinate yourself in herbal lotions. Spritz yourself with cucumber water.” (Ladies, say it with me: “I am not a Christmas ham or misbehaving cat.”) It’s depressing — why the fuck are you so anxious and guilty about relaxing that you need permission and instructions from Cosmo to do it? Could it be because you read a magazine that publishes a section of user-submitted photos of “sleazy, gross, and strange” women that readers have spotted? (Yes, Cosmo really does that.) Or is it because evidently you’re some sort of failure if you can’t pull boxers off with your teeth like a goddamn circus seal?

—Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life | Nerve.com